friesandvanillamilkshakes
professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.

Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.

Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.

The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.

I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.

The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.

So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.

Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.

Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

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friesandvanillamilkshakes

venuspalms:

Isnt it amazing how beautiful people are. Like just look at anyone and study them and their features and how their lips tort and eyes glisten and how their hair falls or sticks or lays. How their eyebrows flex and the way their arms fold, how expressive their hands are. The way their body moves and how their chest rises and falls so subtley with their pulse. People are beautiful even if we dont find them attractive. The fact that they’re a living being is unbelievably magnificent.

totaldiva

peacemaker11:

a-study-in-oddities:

la-hire-ships-it:

notyouraveragepornblog:

blasianxbri:

mamamorgantayl0r:

imageimageimage

This is beautiful. And on the topic of sleepovers and kids getting stuck in uncomfortable situations: My mom and I had a code, ever since my first sleepover. I would always call home to say goodnight, and if I asked “How is the cat doing?”, it meant that I wasn’t comfortable and I wanted her to pick me up. I did use this code a few times, and whenever I did, my mom came up with the excuses for me. I was never stuck at a sleepover I didn’t want to be at - and as a child with anxiety and social phobia, this was a great system.

posts like these are the reason i love tumblr

Once, I was at a friend’s birthday party, and they began to play strip poker and 7 minutes in heaven and immature stuff like that. I am the biggest virgin that you’ve ever known, so I pretended like my phone was vibrating, punched in my mom’s speed dial, and when she answered, I said “Hey mom, whatcha need? *Pause* oh, okay. So I have to come home now? Yeah, sorry, I’ll clean my room right when I get there. *pause* ten minutes? Okay, that works. See ya.” and she understood exactly what I wanted, and she came and picked me up, and even scolded me in front of my friends for ‘not cleaning my room’. I’ve used this so many times, it isn’t funny. My mom is so understanding each time.

And now I must hug my mother and post 5 million mom appreciation posts.

(hugs this)

friesandvanillamilkshakes
1. It’s okay
2. Really, just breathe
3. Your hair is a mess. And it looks sexy as fuck.
4. Do your nails. That new polish you bought last week is waiting.
5. Message her. Do not let that awkward silence last any longer.
6. Clean your desk.
7. Turn off the music at some point. Lie down and relax. Don’t think. Just be.
8. Look up some recipes and cook something nice tomorrow.
9. Say thanks more often.
10. You don’t have to ace everything you do.
11. Baby steps. Baby steps.
12. Turn on the ac at max power and wear a hoodie and pull on your sleeves if you miss it. Feel safe.
13. Your body is fine.
14. Your body is fine.
15. We all make mistakes. Forgive.
16. Studying is important, but what is really important is learning.
17. To learn, live.
18. To live, stop holding back. Fuck everything and just give it a try. Do not live with the regret of not trying. That is not living.
19. It’s okay to believe in love, and have faith, and not lose it even if everything around you is breaking down. Even if it hurts.
20. Depending on others is okay. Not doing it is okay as well.
20 things I needed to remember today. (via a-ionia)